Now, it is the summer of 2012. I recently turned 42 years old. An accomplishment in itself, but a rather extraordinary feat when you consider the path I followed to get to this point.
I attribute it to my personal determination and love of life. Although; that "joi-de-vivre" that I've always had, has at times been elusive over the past few years.
For all the details, please see HERE for the complete story.
The battle goes on. This last bout has lasted well over a year. My vision is still affected. My brain and my eyes aren't getting along very well these days. Although, I think that my eyesight is getting better. Or at least has gotten better.
My memory; both long term and short term, is a mess. Well, the problem isn't really with my memory as much as the pathways the memories take and my ability to access those memories. Most of my memories are very difficult to access and others often come back to me when I am not trying to recall them (more then normal).
These side effects of my condition are two of the issues I am having the most trouble adjusting to. There are other things, but I seem to be adjusting to them better. I guess the loss of my vision and my memory are hitting me harder than they should. Maybe if it happened when I was 13... It may have been easier to deal with. After all, I was stronger then. And, I didn't really know what I would have been missing; or at least not to the same degree.
Over the past year and a half or so, my vision, memory, thought process, ability to concentrate, and so many other things have improved immensely. But, it has been a very long journey. At least I feel it has.
At this point; as of today, after fighting and struggling so hard, for so long, I am having a hard time.
I don't know whether I should keep looking forward and hope that things will improve to the point where I can drive again, and read books again, and work again, and do other things I used to enjoy again or whether I should resign myself to the way things are and just deal with it. It appears to me that any improvement has slowed to a crawl if not a standstill.
Recent visits to my doctors are yielding similar results. The diagnosis is that my current "issues" are a result of side effects brought on by the cobalt radiation treatments that I underwent in 1984. They may get better or they might not.
I've always tried to maintain a positive attitude about it: Ever since it started. But, I must admit, I am getting tired...
Oh well. I've made my decision. Onward it is!
That was my vent. Its been building up for a long time. I needed to spill it.
I am looking forward to the July 1st weekend. I'm going to try getting some nice pictures of the fireworks. My first attempt. Wish me luck.
EDIT: (added on July 5th 2012) - Canada Day Fireworks
--- Mark ---
